i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
