I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
