Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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