That's when you crack a 10am beer
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
