I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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