We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
