There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
His hands were made for my vagina.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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