Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
