Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
