In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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