I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
