My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
