She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
