I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
