...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
