I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Randomize