why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
