so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I love you. Go after that dick
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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