my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
