Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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