You're my little dorito
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
