Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
