I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
