Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
