This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
