what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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