We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
