I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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