the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
