brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I have demons in me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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