There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
handjob tips. give me some.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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