When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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