So drunk its hurt
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
