I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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