We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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