you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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