In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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