Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
