You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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