I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
