He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
