It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
