This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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