nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
