shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize