So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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