On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
