dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
