the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Randomize
