a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
