Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
