he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
