Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
