Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
