What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
