My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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