so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
