Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
