What did I eat last night that was bloody?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize