I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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