He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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