I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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