you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
