I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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