I smell stomach acid.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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