I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
