after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
