Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
