I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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