I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How does one acquire holy water?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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