So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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