On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
