Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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