the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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